![]() Through creating my family genogram, I saw firsthand that beautiful systems can be built off the backs of broken ones. For those in the counseling profession, the genogram journey can be one of discovery and discernment-of knowing when to ask questions and when to leave the questions unanswered. For me personally, an effective tool to help me better understand the unknowns of my own family unit. I live for the smell of wood smoke from the downstairs stove and cinnamon rolls on Sunday I live for the way her laughter feels like a kiss to all the parts of me that are still grieving. For example, color coded lines represent estrangement, closeness, harmony, or engagement. When complete, the genogram tells the story of the emotional lineage within a family- how they related to each other, where there were conflicts or abuse, where there were losses, and where there was disconnection. Counselors know that foundational to a family’s story are moments of either turning toward connection or of turning away and repressing connection. Further, when the past is separated from the family narrative, feelings of separation, loneliness, and disconnection may surface. When constructing the genogram, each connecting line describes the relationship between family members. I wanted to better understand my history by forming a cohesive picture of my past. Therefore, my task along this journey was to revisit old narratives in order to glean a more realistic narrative. 342). This was true for my family, as mothers carried the narrative through three generations, often presenting a broken story to preserve familiarity and a sense of safeness. Within each family are storytellers: those who pass down the narrative of the family. As McGoldrick (2011) noted, “women are typically the carriers of family heritage” (p. ![]() I, too, feel weary to be a foreigner in my own home. I, too, feel strange in a place I am told to feel familiar I, too, have an old language in my bones and a new one on my tongue: the former being fear and the latter perseverance. I learned today that my great grandmother spoke a language I have never heard in a land to which I have never been. In fact, I felt that I was deeply acquainted with the wrong person all this time. By learning to understand my mother in her other roles (as a child, a friend, a fiancée, a sister, and a wife), I gained a change of perspective that created a much-needed line of empathy between us. Finally, I had to view my mother’s history with empathy to take a step from estrangement to closeness. When I saw the visual lines of disconnection and separation that created my mother’s childhood experience, I realized I had not had a clear picture of her. Instead of viewing our communication patterns as stagnant, I saw the opportunity for movement in the family system. In addition to changing from a self to a systems perspective, I moved from fixed to a fluid perspective when viewing my current family relationships. 30-31). I began to consider myself as a part in a larger, more intricate story by looking at the relationships that came before me. Samuel Gladding defines a system as an interacting set of units in which “individuals are seen in the context of larger, dynamic systems” (Gladding, 2019, p. When I began my genogram journey, I was cognizant that I would have to investigate my family’s history from many different points of view. I found that in order to fully understand my own identity within the genogram, I would need to generate three needed changes in my perspective: from a self to a systems perspective, from a fixed to a fluid perspective, and from an estranged to an empathic perspective. These changes are foundational to being ready to explore your family’s relationships from past to present day.įirst, despite a cultural system that downplays the importance of the extended family and focuses on individualism, Dr. ![]() An inward struggle played out under porch light. I would become young.reinstated as the child I once was and would remain so until I once again left through the portal. I simultaneously longed for the portal yet could not get far enough away from it. As I approached the home that I had left several years before, I imagined the front door to be a portal by stepping through that portal, I would be transformed into who I was when I left. ![]()
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